PS 036: Bullying with Israel (Izzy) Kalman.

izzyMy guest on this episode of Psych Sessions is Israel (Izzy) Kalman.  Izzy obtained his Master of Science Degree in Clinical Psychology from Hahnemann Medical College and Hospital, Philadelphia, PA.  He is a Nationally Certified School Psychologist who has been working in schools and private practice since 1978. Izzy has developed methods that use role playing to teach basic psychological principles for solving bullying, aggression and relationship problems.

Izzy has been working intensively since 2002 with Cross Country Education, which sponsors his full-day seminars on bullying. Over 40,000 mental health professionals and educators throughout the US and Canada have attended thus far. He is Director of Bullies to Buddies, Inc., the company he and his wife created to produce materials and provide consultation on bullying. He is the author of Bullies to Buddies: How to turn your enemies into friends, and other publications and products for dealing with bullying and relationship problems. He is also the creator of a whole-school bullying prevention program, Victim-Proof Your School. You can learn more about Izzy Kalman by visiting

Bulling with words or actions is unacceptable, and we need to work together to make it stop. Bullying can take various forms including: teasing, gossiping, excluding, and hitting. Bullying can occur in person and online (cyber bullying). Bullying has changed over the years, and we need to understand how to deal with modern day bullies.  During the show, you’ll hear Izzy and me role-play an example of how to disempower a bully. You’ll also learn what to do if you know a child who is being bullied.

October Relationship Seminar Is Full


Jimmie’s October 29th Relationship Seminar Is FULL! We still have spots available for the November 19th seminar – visit to register now! Don’t miss your chance to enroll in this transformative seminar and help make your relationship stronger!

Wondering what’s wrong with your relationship?
Maybe (s)he has a brain disorder; maybe (s)he has a personality disorder; (s)he has problems with understanding you, even if you’ve told him/her hundreds of times; maybe (s)he’s just hard of hearing even though you’ve used a megaphone and gestures; maybe (s)he’s just the most selfish person on the planet; maybe (s)he is emotionally fixated; maybe (s)he just wants to be the first 55 year old rookie in the NBA. (Not making light of your situation, but I do want to get through the pain!)

Problems: sexually unsatisfied, financial issues, won’t cook or clean, doesn’t pay enough attention to you, distrustful, no “me” time, not interested in the children any more, etc., etc., etc.  Individuals and/or couples welcome! 

PS 035: Irrelationship: How We Use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy


In this episode of Psych Sessions, I speak with the authors of Irrelationship:  How We use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy. 

Irrelationship is a jointly created psychological defense system that two or more people maintain to avoid awareness of the anxiety that’s part of becoming intimate with others, especially feelings about letting people see and know us for who we really are.

Mark B. Borg, Jr., (PhD) is a community and clinical psychologist and a psychoanalyst practicing in New York City. He is founding partner of The Community Consulting Group, a consulting firm that trains community stakeholders, local governments and other organizations to use psychoanalytic techniques in community rebuilding and revitalization. He is a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute and has written extensively about the intersection of psychoanalysis and community crisis intervention.

Grant H. Brenner (MD) is a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City, specializing in treating mood & anxiety disorders & the complex problems arising from developmental childhood trauma. He works from a humanistic & integrative perspective, incorporating evidence-based approaches as well as innovative techniques such as transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) & neurofeedback. He’s on the faculty of the Mount Sinai Beth Israel Hospital, Director of Trauma Service at the William Alanson White Institute & a Board member of the not-for-profit Disaster Psychiatry Outreach.

Daniel Berry (RN, MHA) has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987. Working in in-patient, home care and community settings, his work has taken him into some of the city’s most privileged households as well as some of its most underserved and dangerous public housing projects in Manhattan and the South Bronx. He is currently Assistant Director of Nursing for Risk Management at a public facility serving homeless and undocumented victims of street violence, addiction and traumatic injuries.

During the podcast, we discuss how people in irrelationship can generally be described as falling into the category of either Performer or Audience. The Performer is driven to caretaking of the Audience while the Audience hangs back, allowing the Performer to continue and even escalate efforts to “rescue” or “fix” him or her. Paradoxically, by hanging back, the Audience is covertly taking care of the Performer allowing him to act out his need to be a rescuer. For both parties, this process fends off anxiety, but in so doing, they jointly eliminate the possibility—or risk—of developing a genuine, meaningful relationship.For most people, intimacy is likely to be both desired and feared. This conflict is at the heart of irrelationship, which develops as a result of a break in the development of a secure attachment as children. You can learn more by visiting

Listen in and learn how to tell if you’re affected by irrelationship and what you can do about it.

Thanks for listening! Jimmie